A letter to Soumya

Hi Soumya,

till now I have never used your name for anything I told or write.You might not remember but once I told you I’ll never utter your name so that you would be in trouble..and thankfully till now I still dont take your name on my lips.yeah its difficult,very difficult.I still long for you,its almost 8 years I have left you to go with your man.And that is the biggest loss of my life.Whoever has already seen this kind of defeat for him nothing matters in life,be it comes to study,career,friends or even marriage.My marriage to Sweta I dunno is it result of my affection towards her or it’s an adjustment I have done with my life.Since you have gone I have never missed you like I’m doing right now.You have never spoke to me or have given condolence to me as a friend,but I don’t know whenever I see you I feel like you are talking to me sweetly as you do always.I heard from your closed once or from the people who claimed to know you that you as other girls screams,fight for your wishes but I cant imagine that also.for me you are always the soumya I used to love,there cant be any adjective which I can use for you.may be this letter will never reach you in this life time and you may never know my feelings for you but what I can do,I have to vent out my state of my mind somewhere and I feel at peace when I remember you.people scolds me for my phone,my disconnected behavior,my apathy towards life,but for whom I will do the good,I am doing my required job for my parents,for my wife and yet I have to listen to their harsh words.i sometimes feel like cry and scream,I feel like running towards ,you would be standing with your arms spread and you will cuddle me as I need.but you made me strong,whenever I feel like hurt I remember the day when you have chosen the otherone,I remember the night when my own friend went for you..i remember the time when I was all alone without you.when those kind of storm already passed on you,I seem to be un-baffled for the rude behavior from my dear nad near once.When I have already lost the desire to live ,so there is no question of enjoying it by any means.I thought after marriage may be I will get one whose love will replace the craving of yours,but I was mistaken and again defeated by life again.I could not do a good job, people went abroad,I am earning far less,no respectable career,wife chosen to study further,friends chose to stay above than us,couldn’t stay in my hometown..all are tearing my apart,smashing my heart into pieces, spearing through my mind..cant live or cant die..the pain,the excruciating pain without you is growing each day passing by.cant you comeback and accept me.adore me and please I want to forget everything except you.i want to feel the emptiness with you in void.you would be smiling and I am sitting there watching you…

 

Living No Man’s Land

No calls,No more talks,No corner smile from heart,No delicious food,No parents near by,No relatives either,No Facebook,No movies,No late night drinks,No chats,No long drives,No songs,No evening walks,No festivals,No friends,No outings,No interests,No shits,No games,No remembrance of sweet moments,No new moments,No messaging,No looking outside to the window,No luck,No dreams,No indepedence…lying besides a book,a laptop opened with google tabs,a sound of running tv show in background ,remembering moments with her and looking at a resume to be posted

be the frog and be the happiest

ImageThe time I start contacting outside world by any means like internet,tv,phone I come to know there are many things are happening beyond my sight and there are many souls who are trying to take a really grasp into those.Some are trying so hard that it feels may be it’s the only thing worth achieving.Sumtym it confuses you, like I think may be there lies the ultimate happiness within, which i cant see or i dont want to see.Am I actually happy being whatever I have or its my crave to feel what others are vying for ..so hard.I heard and see people are getting secure jobs,going abroad,doing higher studies,getting loads of money,buying expensive things,going to the places which I have seen in tv till now and they are happy doing so.Some are becoming expert at some thing,getting praise,looking beautiful,doing good samaritan works.Some are doing very well in their life and are happy.So is the same thing if I do,could I be also happy!!Or I am already happy to be more happy.Or I still dont know where or what makes me really Happy.As one of my friend tells,you wont know the meaning of happiness unless you lose it.So be the frog of the well and be happy that atleast you have a well.You might get some other frogs in the same well screaming to get outside,but you be happy in your world as long as If you keep yourself happy inside the well.Sometimes its better to be the frog of the well,its easier and you dont have compete.Just be happy seeing the window of happiness from down.The search for happiness started from the time of Arjuna to till now. and it will still continue..so why to scramble yourself much to get everything out of you,keep something within you.be the common and be the happiest.

Escapism

life is going on.Yes,its simply goes on.And at the end it Ends.In between people does things that make them happy,otherwise try to do the that can may make them happy.Its good.Others kept on inspired by this quest of happiness and try their hand to get a piece of pie from this.And people want the source of their happiness to be keep on for forever.The everlasting happiness.yes You might of heard the phrase “They lived happily for ever and ever.”.Those who ensure this source for ever they considered lucky and the credit goes to their hard working,sacrifice,family backing..etc or simply sometime the one and only luck.In between we deviate from all this logic and call them bullshit.We keep on saying to our selves what ever we got that is only thing we actually want and this is the happiness.we try hard to get indulge into this so called Happiness.We defend this definition based on our own terms and try to Escape all.We try to escape the lane where we best remembered as common like others.We distance ourselves from sadness and tell to own that we are happy ..many times.And this escapism brings us much needed happiness.